Thanksgiving looked different for us this year. First, I was too sick and exhausted from treatment to help with cooking. Matt took charge of all duties and then delegated dishes and chores to the kids. It pained me to do nothing, but I appreciated how well everyone worked together.
Something else was radically different. For the past twenty years, my husband (an outstanding cook) and I (a mediocre cook) have cooked most holiday meals because we don’t live near extended family. And for the past twenty years, I have cleaned, planned, agonized, and fretted over every holiday meal. For some strange reason, I equated family happiness and thankfulness with a perfectly clean home and perfectly clean children and a Bon Appetite worthy table. Reality never lived up to my expectations.
Life is messy, kids are messy. Perhaps, I’m the biggest mess of all. This year, I’m learning that’s ok. Christ takes me as I am. And if He can do that for me, shouldn’t I be willing to do that for others and myself? Perfection steals time and energy. In its place, it leaves frustration and a lack of fulfillment. Perfection interferes with enjoying and appreciating the moment, even the not-so-perfect messy moments that make up our lives.
New Priorities
Serious illness, however, redefines our priorities. For me, each moment has become precious. It took cancer for me to fully realize some important principles. These principles help me to appreciate each moment and start living more fully.
- I don’t know how many moments I have. In truth, none of knows how many or how few moments we have. Illness just shines a spotlight on that reality. I want to make each moment count and truly love my family and friends.
- Cancer has zapped me of energy. Simple tasks require effort, so I’m learning to put my energy into things that matter. That soggy pumpkin pie I made last year doesn’t seem like such a tragedy.
- In illness, I’ve become more aware of the blessings and beauty surrounding me — things I sometimes took for granted. It’s like waking up with the eyes a child.
- Often during trials and tribulations, people pull together. Family, friends, and even strangers have shown more generosity and kindness than I could imagine. This has both blessed me and humbled me.
- The kindness of others inspires me to live more selfless and Christ-like and less selfish and worldly. This gives me a reason to fight another day.
- Finally and most importantly, I’ve watched God’s hand in all of this. He has provided for us, comforted me in the lowest moments, and walked the path ahead of me to lead the way through each trial. I’ve learned to thank Him in All things whether I’m deep in the valley or riding high on the mountain. With each thanksgiving I give Him, He comes through to meet my next need.
Perfectionism can quickly steal the important moments from us. It has thrown me into a downward cycle of frustration, anger, and self-loathing to the point my eyes are no longer fixed on God but on feelings of inadequacy. As I learn to appreciate the moment at hand, gratitude replaces perfectionism. And for this, I’m thankful.
Awakening Lazarus 